BDSM is an initialism for Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism, though it is also an entire subculture. Bondage is the act of physically restraining a sub (usually with rope) in a way that leaves the sub in sexually vulnerable manner, to be taken advantage of. Discipline is enforced will, it is the imposition of order upon another. Sadism is the act of taking pleasure (specifically sexual) in inflicting pain on others whilst Masochism is the enjoyment of pain being inflicted upon them.
While BDSM is an initialism for these particular kinks, it is usually used as an umbrella term by the public at large for the sake of simplicity, covering the whole of kinky sexual behavior.
BDSM is a fringe culture since it is a sexual one, so most of its activities take place behind closed doors (with public variations being the main exception) and in private settings. There are BDSM clubs, where one can find others into the BDSM scene, though it is important to remember these places are not orgies or saunas so do not expect copious amounts of sex. In fact, BDSM clubs can be quite disappointing unless you go there because you want a bar where the people are into the same kind of sexual activity as you are and want to talk about it (and want to do all the usual work that is required to have sex with someone).
In pornography, BDSM scenes typically involve hardcore acts that lie at its crazy extreme. For this reason, most people think BDSM is inherently savage and violent even if most practitioners of BDSM are fairly mild, well-rounded people. Most BDSM practitioners just like kinky sex, not necessarily sex so violent you begin to bleed. This is the main reason why most people looking to experiment with what they think is BDSM end up so disappointed. They expect super-intense, hyper-violent face fucking and end up in an open-hand spanking session.
An important event that is very common is what is called a “munch”. A munch is a group gathering, generally at a restaurant, of BDSMers meeting to talk and network with other BDSMers in a safe/vanilla environment. A munch is the best place for a noobie to get started in the real world of BDSM since you can talk and ask plenty of questions to genuine people with experience. To find a munch group to join, I’d suggest going on fetlife, the BDSM equivalent of Facebook or recon if you are gay and pretty damn into your hardcore fetishes.
Culture-wise, BDSM has a lot of crossover with the Heavy Metal and Punk music scenes (these musical subcultures are made up of people who don’t generally fit in with society, just like practitioners of BDSM). Not only do they share similar, extreme clothing styles, they are all individualistic cultures, celebrating each person on their own terms as opposed to their group identity.
Finally, there is the “lifestyle” component. Someone who is into the BDSM lifestyle is someone that lives and breathes BDSM. Most people live normal lives until they partake in BDSM. BDSM lifestylers live BDSM lives and sometimes partake in the normal life. These men & women go to all the events, they regularly attend clubs, they wear fetish gear outside the house and do not hide their BDSM identity. These people are individuals in the truest of senses, being true to themselves and not giving a shit about anyone else’s opinion.
*Edit* The ordering of the letters in BDSM is actually pretty interesting when broken down as they can easily be used to represent 3 important parts of BDSM:
BD (Bondage/Discipline)
DS (Dominant/Submissive)
SM (Sadist/Masochist)
TLDR:
BDSM specifically refers to Bondage, Discipline, Sadism & Masochism.
In popular use, BDSM refers to the whole of depraved and kinky sexuality.
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