Step 1:
Be born dominant (or a switch, but they are as rare as a four-leaf clover).
Step 2:
Don’t be an abusive, monstrous fuck (or too much of one).
Step 3:
Profit. (Have your cake and beat it too)
And that’s it. You can dom, simple as that.
Just kidding, there’s way more to it than that.
A Dom is someone that likes control, that relishes having mastery and power over others. Being a Dom isn’t necessarily being bratty though. It’s more like being a grizzly bear in the wild; you aren’t scared of much because you are what there is to be afraid of. We are deliberate and menacing because you know we can easily fuck you up and not in a pleasurable way.
A Dom has a quiet sense of confidence, based off of their learned experiences. We are the Apex predators of human sexuality and our prey are our loyal subs. They are what allows us to enact our nature in an ethical manner, avoiding the legal and moral issues of unleashing ourselves upon unconsenting victims. Without a sub, a Dom is a sorry thing, though not quite as sorry as a sub without a Dom.
A Dom possesses “master mentality” (straight from O.G. homeboy Friederich Nietzsche). We are individualists seeking to live according to our way, for our way is the best way we know how to live. We aren’t necessarily rule-breakers, we just won’t follow rules we deem to be arbitrary or just plain stupid. We walk on the line between the abyss of sadism (I mean true, psychopathic disorder sadism) and the pit of meek niceness (pathetic and pitiful). We do make rules though, and our rules are sacred. To break even one of our rules is to invite our wrath upon yourself.
Above and beyond an aesthetically imposing physique, a Dom possesses an imposing personality. We may not all be the center of attention where ever we go but when we speak, we are heard. Like a lion roaring, we simply cannot be ignored because ignoring us is a costly mistake. This personality is one of our telltale signs. It may take different forms, it may even be hidden beneath the surface of congeniality but it is unmistakable when encountered.
Dominants are leaders, there are no two ways about it. We lead our subs through a wild world of kinks & fetishes, guide them through intense sessions, pushing limits and exploring new territory. Even in our vanilla lives, we gravitate to positions of power, for ours is a presence that can always be felt. We are also usually pretty damn unhappy if not at the top of some hierarchy. We find it hard to be under basically anyone. We just want to be at the top because we know it’s our place.
Dominance is a predominantly masculine personality trait. Even though a hyper-feminine woman can be a Domme, she is still masculine (at least in part) because she is a Domme and human, and all humans are a mix of masculine and feminine (think yin and yang). Dominance is masculine because, as explained above, we lead, we guide, we break new ground and maintain an existing order with our sub. You cannot be very agreeable, for to be a Dom you must be disagreeable. You have to enact YOUR way, and it isn’t done by polite convincing (that wouldn’t be fun). We are the active participant, the hunter. With but a single gaze, we can freeze a sub, much in the way an ‘Alpha’ male can use his ‘male gaze’ to make a woman uncomfortable. Even if it’s just this one masculine trait, it is a part of every Dominant.
Switches exist (people who can *switch* between being a sub and a Dom), though I see them as being Doms who take a vacation from being disagreeable every once in a while and not a distinct category even if many would argue differently.
I do not believe someone can be made into a Dom. It is a part of us, an immutable part like sexual attraction. You were born feeling that way and nothing short of torturous psychological reconditioning can change that about you. It is a natural impulse, a drive that cannot be learned or taught.
You either are a Dom or you aren’t.
Have questions? Comment below or hit me up on Twitter/Instagram!
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