How to be a sub

Submission. Slavery. Devotion. Loyalty.

Being a sub is something that at first thought appears to be rather simple: You just find someone that makes you feel weak and follow their orders.

In reality, it is much more complicated than that.

No sub is a sub 24/7. It is a part-time occupation. The reason why is simple enough: if you are a sub all the time, you will constantly be taken advantage of by unscrupulous predators (and not in a fun kinky way). A sub must be able to stand up for themselves, especially when away from their Dominant.

In fact, many subs have careers in managerial positions. They hold a lot of power over others in their vanilla life which is what makes them seek a Dominant in the first place. While they are generally capable at their job, they are happiest when giving up control.

Other subs are completely powerless and seek a Dom to provide them with excitement and a safe-enough environment to properly explore their kinks and fetishes. They crave the imposition of discipline and order into their otherwise chaotic life.

Subs all want to give in to another, more powerful individual, if only as a temporary vacation from their day-to-day responsibilities. They want to be second to someone else, if only for a brief moment. They desire to let go of the real world and to enter into a kinkier one.

Subs yearn to feel alive. They yearn to struggle and overcome the adversity set forth by their Master. They want to feel safe from being under the control of someone they can trust blindly. True submission is a choice made by a willing participant. It is not enslavement (enforced submission) or coercion, even if both are frequently fetishized.

They want to be owned.

The ultimate form of ownership is to be collared. A collar symbolizes the commitment the sub makes to his/her Master. It is the physical representation of their devotion and loyalty. The collar can be a necklace, a bracelet, a ring, a chastity device, or literally any other object that can be worn.

No matter its form, the collar is an object that is to be worn as often as possible to ensure the sub remember their true place in this world at the side of their Master. Without the collar, the sub may begin to drift away and seek a new Dom. This effect is simply due to human nature so a good Dom must take it into account.

I believe that the collar should only be removed for hygiene and when medically necessary for a sub prove their ultimate devotion to me.

As a Dom, I have never met a sub that is a true masochist. Subs don’t enjoy suffering itself so much as they enjoy suffering at the hands of a Dom. I think this may be explained by their dedication to pleasing their Dom in whatever way they can and the fact that true masochists are insane/neurologically malfunctioning.

If you want to explore your own submissive nature, be very careful; what can be sexy in fantasy can be devastating in reality. You should take the time to do proper research, to compare potential Dominants, and to make sure you are safe.

Do not start with the wildest debauchery you can think of. Start with something that isn’t life-threatening and can’t scar you for life. Make sure you are safe. Make sure you actually trust your Dom before agreeing to be owned by them.

If you are a finsub, the way to proceed when approaching a Dom is as follows: make a small tribute to prove you are serious and worthy of the Dom’s time. Next, talk to them. Be open and honest about your expectations/what kind of experience you want. Make sure you are a good match for each other. After all that you can really start tributing. If you don’t wait until then, you will end up falling for a lot of the faux dominants looking to make a quick buck.

If the Dom is promising you everything you hope for, be fucking wary.

Until you are owned, you are your only defense.


How to be a sub: be smart, be loyal, be safe, be kinky.

Have questions? Comment below or hit me up on Twitter/Instagram!


Enrichen your favorite Patriarch.

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