I am a Dom. I am mildly sadistic. I love to be a little rough during sex. I love to spank. I like squeezing someone in a bear hug. I like turning boys into bimbos. I love being given money. I like to insult and humiliate people. I enjoy giving orders. I like restraining subs physically. I enjoy having control over others.
You know all of that because I told you.
You can make all the assumptions you want to about someone but if you want to know them, they must tell you. Everyone is different and no two people are truly identical. Sure there are stereotypes and it’s easy to pick up on patterns, but to judge anyone based solely on your experience of other people is incorrect as you will be wrong more often than you will be right.
Dominants often have to play guessing games in regards to their sub and what they enjoy. Many subs are simply uncomfortable with themselves and have, unfortunately, never explored their sexuality properly. This combination of factors is why D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationships can be so needlessly difficult.
The simplest solution to this is honest and open communication (which is admittedly not so simple).
Dominants are not psychics. We cannot read your minds nor can we know everything about you with but a glance. We may be more knowledgeable on average in human sexuality but we aren’t more knowledgeable about your sexuality.
Only you have access to your thoughts. Only you know what you feel. Only you can feel your own pain. Only you know your breaking point.
Everyone else can only guess or learn them.
A good Dom will ask questions and try to know you. It is essential to a D/s relationship that they do though it is not our responsibility to find out.
Subs, it is your responsibility to make your Dom aware of what you know you like, what your limits are, what you would be comfortable exploring and how much your budget is for FinDom. You must be your own defense when a line is crossed and you must establish your boundaries.
It is imperative for a sub that they tell the truth or at the very least, not lie. A sub must be as honest as possible and must present themselves as genuinely as they can. Any lie can lead to problems and will render the relationship toxic.
The sub may begin to resent the Dominant since their limits are not being respected, they aren’t being rewarded with the right kink/fetish or any other number of reasons because the Dominant doesn’t know better. The Dominant may begin to hate his sub because the sub lied about what they are into. Neither of these outcomes and the only thing that can prevent this degradation is the truth.
Now I know that for many subs it is difficult to be as open and honest as is required. In vanilla life, most people are never honest about what they think and feel so we never really get to practice not censoring ourselves so I suggest you start today.
Write a private journal entry to explore your psychological space.
Write about a sexual fantasy you’d like to live.
Write down the sickest, most depraved thought you have.
It doesn’t matter what you write, what matters is that you write. You need to become more comfortable with being honest and forthright. You need to learn to open up when necessary.
Tell the truth.
The world and your Dom will thank you.
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