Life is confusing. Things are changing at an accelerating rate and it is hard for most of us to keep track of what those changes are.
Today I hope to clarify my beliefs on manhood, being male and masculinity.
Let’s start with what “male” means before explaining “man” and ending with “masculinity”.
Male is a biological term used to describe sex.
To quote Wikipedia:
In humans, like in most mammals, the main difference between the sexes comes from the combination of X & Y chromosomes (males have XY, females XX).
Where things get tricky is that on a purely biological level, transwomen (MtF) are male, even after transitioning.
Transitioning involves using the sexual hormones of the opposite gender to grant the transitioned a body that is more suited to their psychological perception of themselves.
What it doesn’t do is rewrite their chromosomes and changes them from XY to XX.
Think of it this way: biological sex is your hardware. You are either a Windows or a Mac.
Gender is your software: Are you Windows XP, Vista, 8, 10?
You can change your gender but biological sex always stays the same.
To be male, all you have to do is be born. Nothing more, nothing less.
It is an immutable part of you that is decided by nature.
Being male isn’t an accomplishment, it is just the way you are born.
Being a man is not a simple thing.
As opposed to being male where all you have to do is be born, to be a man you must become one.
The definition of “man” changes from culture to culture since it is a phenomenon that emerges from the culture it is a part of.
Cross-culturally, a man is someone who stands up for those who cannot, who provides for those he cares about, who lives according to his convictions, and who does more good than he does bad.
A man is someone who leads others because his strength is charismatic and his judgment, developed by experience, is valued.
He helps others because to help is a pleasure.
He is not a tyrant, a brat, arrogant or unwieldy.
He is stoic in the face of adversity and can keep going
He is adept at handling rejection because dealing with rejection is a big part of being a man.
He does not have any sense of entitlement and works hard to earn what he can.
He is a savage because he is brutally truthful and refuses to do things he finds stupid or pointless.
He is unabashedly himself, no matter what the context or the people he is with.
He remains in control of himself and his emotions.
All men must contend with the “beast” that haunts everyone with large amounts of testosterone coursing through their veins.
The “beast” is the sexual predator, the pervert that is a part of every man.
The beast is a part of our personality and it must be held under control.
At best, the “beast” is locked up deep down, barely ever acknowledged but ever present through everything a man does.
When the beast is let loose, we lose our humanity and become animals.
A great example of a man who has let his beast run wild is the rapist; that despicable being who is hated and who no one sympathizes with because he has let go of anything relatable.
He has lost control and has thus lost whatever respect he once had. He has lost his humanity and has shown himself to be a savage animal.
It isn’t a coincidence that a lot of people think having a rapist be “put down” is an acceptable punishment…
Every man will be different.
Each man’s path will be his own and it is the duty of the man to find his own way.
If he doesn’t do this, he will be miserable and a poor imitation of whatever it is he is attempting to emulate.
Worse, he will begin to resent everything that surrounds him, cursing him to be shunned and avoided even more, leading him to resent things even more, cursing him to be shunned and avoided more, etc.
Men who haven’t found their way can be found on the news all the time.
From mass shooters to thieves, tyrants to scam artists, these men are troublesome because when men do not find order, men create chaos.
Find your path.
Stick to it and you shall transcend your male form and become a man.
Stray from it and you shall wallow in nihilism.
Masculinity simply refers to behavior that is associated with being a man.
A man does not have to be masculine to be a man though.
I’ve seen drag queens that whose manliness I would never question and plenty of bro-dudes that I would.
What is considered masculine behavior or traits will vary among different societies the same way the definition of “man” does.
In India, a masculine man dresses up with flashy colors and clothing, mimicking a peacock in all its glory.
In Japan, muscular men are considered to be effeminate (or gay) because they are thought of as vane.
Most of you reading this are Westerners, so let’s talk about Western Masculinity.
Western men have it pretty damn tough right now.
We need to be tough but not mean, confident but not arrogant, horny but restrained (except when we can let go, at which point we have to be pornstars), wealthy but not greedy, wise but not pretentious, a strong leader but not a tyrant, a father but not a patriarch.
These contradictory demands are what causes many males to abandon trying to be a man because why play a game when you think of it as stupid?
When boys don’t play along, they make their own game.
Boys (males on the path to being a man) are dropping out of schools at record levels.
Drug and video games addictions are on the rise.
Religious and political extremism is rising across their respective spectrums.
I said it before but I’ll say it again: when men do not have order, they create chaos.
With the acceptance of LGBTwxyz, society has decided that you can do whatever you want, so do what you want.
Be who you were meant to be.
No one is stopping you.
Have questions? Comment below or hit me up on Twitter/Instagram!