Fantasy #15: Seeking Order

Fantasies are hot.

I have a bunch.

Here’s one…

When you live with too much order, too much repression of your instincts and impulses, only one outcome is ever possible: depravity.

Wake up. Eat breakfast. Rush to the shower. Brush your teeth. Head to work. Get stuck in traffic. Get angry. Get to work. Work until hungry. Eat Lunch. Work until day ends. Head home. Get stuck in traffic again. Get angry. Eat supper. Consume Media. Get angry yet again. Go to sleep. Dream of wild things and experiences that you won’t live.

You were realizing this was a pattern you had fallen into, one whose monotony was only slightly alieviated by weekends and holidays.

You tried yoga, meditation, exercise, eating only the healthiest of foods, spending time with friends and family, even attending a church service yet none of it was enough to curtail your desires. If anything, you were fanning their flame, turning a small fire into a raging inferno.

The porn you were watching grew in intensity equal to this growing inferno, where you’d started off with vanilla acts like sex and blowjobs you were now delving deeper and deeper into debauchery. Your favorite old clips did little to excite you now and you needed more and more perverse work to get the blood flowing.

Even simply masturbating was no longer enough to sate your tastes. You kept introducing more and more toys and gadgets. You ventured outside now as well, hoping that the added excitement of getting caught would be enough to get you going where once it only took you but a few pumps to finish.

You started smoking weed and found it too weak, you sniffed poppers but were bored, and sniffing cocaine only worked its magic for a few minutes before the dullness of life quickly came back to you. You were spiraling down fast and you were lucky enough to realize it before you’d done any real or lasting damage to yourself.

You visited saunas and let yourself be used by everyone there, hoping to somehow fill that void, deep inside your very being. All that you could ever fill though were your ever-widening holes.

An afternoon finally came where you’d spent hours looking for some novel bit of smut when you happened upon an epiphany. You’d been watching a hardcore BDSM video of a beautiful young man tormenting a much older man who was tied down and fully at the mercy of the young torturer when it hit you: you NEEDED a dominant, a master.

You were like a child who had been let loose upon the world with only desire to do things but no sense of direction or realization of the dangers that lurked around each corner. You desperately needed someone in your life to provide guidance and structure, someone who would be able to set you on a much more stable path than the one you currently found yourself on.

Having no idea where to find such a divine creature, you turned to your favorite waste of time, Instagram, and searched for #dominant. You’d never thought of using Instagram for that purpose, you had only ever used it to look at memes, celebrities and vacations you’d never be able to afford. What you found surprised even your depraved soul.

Endless profiles of men and women with pictures that made even your weathered soul excited. Your tastes had always been more pronounced towards the masculine, so you refined your search further and explored #dom and #master. You looked and searched, hoping to find someone who would be able to finally tame your growing hunger. Just as you were beginning to give up hope, you found Him.

He was tall, much taller than you, slim and athletic. His eyes were dark and brooding when they weren’t playfully light, his hair and beard trimmed and neat. His style was unlike the pompous, “always-teen jock” look every other male dominant seemed to love., His was proper and dressy, modern yet classic.

He was the one for you.

You promptly set about sending him a message. You typed grandiose messages only to erase them. You eventually overthought even your message and settled for the simple yet effective “Hello”. The moment you hit send, you regretted your message greatly, realizing it was stupid and didn’t convey nearly enough of your emotions. You hurriedly typed in “Please Sir, make me Yours” and waited for a response.

About half an hour later, you were delighted to see He had read your text. You were even more happy to see that He was typing out an answer. You weren’t happy with His simple reply: “Why should I make you Mine?”

The arrogance of the question both excited and frustrated you. Who was He to ask such a thing? Why am I so turned on by Him asking it? The dissonance of your emotions left your head spinning yet it was something you were enjoying very much. You knew He was who you’d been searching for all this time, the missing piece to your disorderly puzzle. And the fact that He didn’t claim you outright made you want to prove to Him that you were worthy of His time, worthy of His attention.

You set about typing: “Please Sir. My life is spiraling out of control. I NEED someone like You to control me, to have Your hands over every part of my life, to have every decision of mine be made by You. I would do anything for that Sir, ANYTHING. Please Sir, give me a chance. I beg of you.” You hoped such an emotional appeal would be able to reach Him.

It did not.

“You’re just another horny idiot getting in my DMs. I have a website; use it to find out how to get to Me properly or get out.”

Your disappointment was short-lived because He had left you with a way into His good graces and you wanted to prove yourself. You went to His website and read His blogs, discovering His tastes and thoughts. After finally having gone through all of His work, you knew what had to be done.

You opened an account on a crypto currency platform, purchased some funds and sent them to Him. You knew this was no guarantee of service, that His owning you was still up in the air and uncertain but even the simple act of tributing to him left you feeling happy. At the very least, you now knew you were contributing to something greater, something better. You were helping to fund His lifestyle and that alone was reward enough.

You sat at your computer screen, waiting to see if He would ever answer, if He would ever claim you as His. A few hours later, your troubles were rewarded:

“Good. We are finally ready to begin.”

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